What if Self Awareness, in Love and Appreciation, went viral?

What if, as easily as clicking "Like" on a Facebook post, you could choose Self Awareness? What if you could know, right now, that you are Loved, ALL of you; that every single part of you is perfect, Divine? What if you stopped wanting to hide all those messy human bits from yourself and from God? What if you started to Love them, and want to know them more and more? And the whole cacophony of your human experience suddenly became transparent to you, and through it you could see yourself as the god you are?

What if in one instant you could remember that all of you is worthy of being loved, of being felt and known, even your feelings of unlovability and unworthiness? What if all of a sudden you recognized yourself, if the veil lifted, and you began to dance this dance in Joy, thrilled at the beauty of your choice to be Here?

And what if when you clicked "Share," in that one instant, you could remind all of your friends of their choice to be here, too? And they remembered? And they reminded their friends. And within a few days the momentum of our collective journey tipped from one dominated by a need to control life, to one filled with the Joy of opening to the Possibilities of Life.

What if Love and Appreciation and even Excitement at Knowing Who You Really Are was a gift you could soak in through your eyes, and share through the tapping of your fingers? Held and transmitted through the channel of thousands of open hearts.

What if Self-Awareness went viral? And we all woke up?

Being Here Today

Today is my birthday. It’s a beautiful, misty/rainy Washington day. When I went down to let the chickens out this morning the lake looked positively magical. But the lake almost always looks magical from down there, in the garden. It looks benign, welcoming, like a big pool of peaceful, that floats into everyone who gets near it.

One of my teachers said that every year at your birthday you meet with your ‘council’, your group of guides and ethereal teachers. You go over the past year, check in with how you’re doing, and get yourself set for the next year. You also choose whether you’re going to stay another year or not.

I don’t know if that’s true, but I think about it. And this year that choice of do I stay or not has really been up. I was thinking it was a tantrum – the sort of the Christ consciousness coming in, from unlimited being, to the limited 3D human existence, and saying “WTF is this?!?!?!” Okay. Maybe your Christ consciousness doesn’t swear. Mine does. Or it says “What the…?” and my ego takes over with the rest. “You’re right! This is ridiculous! We’re supposed to be God here! What is this ‘paying bills’ and ‘feeling aches’ and ‘feeling alone and separate?!’”

I could go into that. Maybe another time. These tantrums are certainly very real and I’ve had my fair share of it in the last couple of years. One of the most pronounced aspects of them is that there is usually nothing going on – nothing wrong, no crisis (well, okay, there is what feels like crisis, but it’s comparatively nothing to what is happening in the world.) and yet you feel like it is really stupid that you would waste another minute in this limited reality. But today I’m talking about something else, which turns out to be more serious than a tantrum about being here.

Like I said, I thought it was a tantrum. And then I thought it was the birthday question, since it’s gotten stronger the closer I’ve come to today. Then last night I read a new channeling from Adamus of the Crimson Circle. He said that the energies of the last couple of weeks have been particularly intense and have felt very chaotic, and that a particular question is very much up – “Do I want to be here?” And that for those of us who are at this place in our evolution the chaos of the recent energies will keep feeling like chaos until we answer the question. And we can’t lie.

If you’re interested in this you could click here and follow through to the channeling from September 2010.

It’s uncanny and rather affirming for me when I read something like this and it names everything I’ve been going through. Like the part about trying to convince yourself the answer is ‘yes’ by making lists of why you’d want to stay. My list was looking lie: 1) my son, and … my son … and … uh… is that it?

Sometimes that’s it.

It is not that I have a hard, or painful, or in any way overly challenging life, except for the constant challenge I give myself of evolving. And that challenge is what makes the whole thing worthwhile. I love having a body. I love exploring in this world. It is just that I can taste my unlimited Divine Self, and, frankly, I really miss it. I’ve been here a really long time (not talking 47 years, more like thousands of lifetimes). I want to go home.

Last night after reading Adamus I decided to meditate on it until I had my answer. No lies.

A couple of years ago in Judy Christensen’s class in Ashland she had us all answer the question “What do I really want?” We were to slow down, as slow as we could go, and then ask ourselves what we wanted.

So I slowed down. I got so slow my ego stopped breathing my body (left, in other words). Okay, this is slow enough. Now, what do I want?

The answer was immediate and beautiful. “I want to Live. To experience Life!” And so I did. In that moment I said “yes” to my Self and just felt what it was to be alive. What a rush of Joy and Life filled my body! It wasn’t about anything material that I wanted. Just the pure experience of being human. I wanted THAT.

This is an interesting thing, this difference between the human self experiencing being human, and the Divine Self experiencing being human. Because for most of my existence, anyway, my Divine Self has sort of been out there, watching me, connecting with me, but not being here with me. (Me, in this case, being my human self) I started inviting my Divine Self in several years ago, because I wanted to feel it and so it would help me out. I had no idea what a thrill it was for it to be here until that meditation, though. THIS is what we came for. To be Divine unlimited consciousness journeying limitation.

Thrill, yes. And cause for major tantrum, too. Because it isn’t used to being limited. Many times I’ve felt like I’m the little child holding the hand of the big grown-up who has no clue how to function in my world. (Much like my son does for me in the world of computers!) I’ve been here a while. I know how it works. “Just relax” I say. “Things take time here. What it is in this moment is not what it’s going to be in the next. This reality is mutable. Believe me. I know.”

This came into my thoughts last night. That was the answer from two years ago. What is the answer now?

I wrestled around with it for a bit, still trying to come up with the reasons why the answer would be ‘yes.’ But, then, finally, I caught myself wrestling, trying to control it. Okay. What if the answer was ‘no’?

I felt the flood of longing. I miss my home. I miss being one with everything. I miss unlimited ethereal individuation. I miss knowing, without any hesitation or doubt or separation, that I am one with God.

I was lying in bed at this point, meditating and yet feeling very much awake. I let myself know it – “I want to go home!!!”

About fifteen minutes later I woke up. And I felt really calm and happy.

Okay. That’s what I want. I want both. I want to be able to go home and I want to be able to be here. I don’t want to have to leave home behind, to impose separation from myself or anything else in order to experience being human. I want to be here, doing this, knowing myself as and feeling completely immersed in Love.

That’s what I feel down in my garden by the lake. No wonder I like it there so much.

So do I want to be here? It helps to have my beautiful son make breakfast for me and gives me little 2 minute massages all day for my birthday. It helps to have friends I love who love me. It helps to live surrounded by beauty.

Yet I still get a sinking feeling when I say that I want to stay. I find myself negotiating. Adamus talked about that, too. He talked about people negotiating “I want to be here, but I want to be young, and rich!”

Here’s how my negotiation goes: I am willing to stay. I want to finish this journey. But I want all of me to be here. I don’t want to be here if it means cutting off from my Self. I’ve had enough of that. I don’t want to put up with it any more. Of course, who is cutting me off? Me. Who can choose to listen to and allow all of me? Me. Who can choose to stay open to my Divine guidance, Love and Joy? Me. Who am I negotiating with? Me.

Okay then. Happy Birthday, Me. This is the gift I am giving myself: More, and more, and more, of the wholeness of Me.